My flash fiction for the first Campaign Challenge

I think that I’ll reverse the usual pattern that I’ve seen before, and give you my story first, and then the challenge rules:

The door swung open, and a beautiful girl hurried inside, her finger held up to her lips and her eyes asking me an urgent question. For a second I was confused, and then I lifted the far section of the sales counter to let her come back behind. She crouched into the storage cubby under the cash register, and I was just starting to get naughty thoughts about the whole situation when a hand reached out to stop the door from quite closing.

The man who came in next had periwinkle blue eyes and his feet didn’t seem to quite touch the ground. “Excuse me, sir, did you see a…”

“She went out the side door, didn’t even close it behind her,” I blurted out, realizing that I could use the fact that I’d left the door open for the summer breeze to the girl’s advantage. “Why are you looking for her?”

His eyes rested on me for a moment, but he didn’t answer, and took a moment to close the front door behind him, then stepped calmly over to the side exit. I busied myself with an order form to avoid giving the girl away. The door swung shut.


First Campaigner challenge:

Write a short story/flash fiction story in 200 words or less, excluding the title. It can be in any format, including a poem. Begin the story with the words, β€œThe door swung open” These four words will be included in the word count.

If you want to give yourself an added challenge (optional), use the same beginning words and end with the words: “the door swung shut.” (also included in the word count)

For those who want an even greater challenge, make your story 200 words EXACTLY!

(And just for the record, I achieved the highest level of the challenge – at least, according to MS Word’s wordcount.)


30 Responses to My flash fiction for the first Campaign Challenge

  1. Arlee Bird says:

    Who is she and why was the man after her? Now I’m curious. I decided to do the challenge after all and have it scheduled to go up for my Friday post. I too made exactly 200 words according to Word Count.

    Tossing It Out


  2. Susan Fields says:

    Hmmm…very interesting! I’d love to read more and see why he’s after her. My first assumption is that he’s up to no good, but maybe it’s the girl who’s causing the trouble.


  3. Tracy Krauss says:

    Very intriguing! You’ve got me wondering who the girl is, who the man is, and whose POV I’m seeing … πŸ™‚


  4. Catherine Johnson says:

    Ooh, brilliant. I bet everyone who works in retail would love the idea of that happening. Great post!


  5. An interesting situation. I like that he helps her without knowing why she needed it, even if he did have ulterior motives creeping in the back of his mind. πŸ˜‰


  6. mish says:

    It makes me wonder who is the troublesome character … it could swing either way … maybe both of them … such interesting possibilities !
    My entry at no.#59


  7. N.Scott says:

    Oooo…for a moment there I thought the gig was up….but then he went through the side exit. I like the way you build suspense!


  8. i want more. Why was he looking for her? Mine is #72


  9. Brianna says:

    Intriguing! Would definitely read more.


  10. I like this. It makes me wonder why he’s chasing her and what he might do to her if and when he finds her.


  11. The Golden Eagle says:

    Definitely raises questions: who is the man? Why is she running, and why is he following her?

    My entry.


  12. Everyone’s pretty much echoed my thoughts. Would definitely want to read more about this mysterious girl and her pursuer!


  13. Madison Woods says:

    I liked that a lot! Also liked the way you’ve written it to satisfy a challenge.


  14. I’ve been enjoying reading these Flash Fictions. Wish I could have joined in this month, but…another time.

    Thanks for joining us in the Rule of Three Writers Challenge. Just welcoming all who have signed up. Please don’t forget to grab the badge and place it in your sidebar. Can’t wait for October.

    Welcome to Renaissance…where everyone has a secret.

    The Rule of Three Writing Challenge
    Rule Of Three Blogfest


  15. Damyanti says:

    Like the intrigue in this piece! πŸ™‚ …and I hope you’ll continue this story in the The Rule of Three Blogfest

    Mine is entry 279.


  16. Damyanti says:

    Also, forgot to mention you’ve been shortlisted as one of the top 5 to move on to stage two. There will be a semi-final (stage three) and a final (stage four). Congratulations!


  17. “I was just starting to get naughty thoughts about the whole situation” — that caught my interest. Intriguing, and only 200 words!


  18. Good luck with your entry. πŸ™‚ This piece makes the reader continue to think about the story, like why the girl’s running and what the guy who’s chasing her wants to do to her. Nicely written.


  19. Ciara Knight says:

    I love the fact you left us to our own thoughts. Did she just escape evil to find worse? Great job with the challenge. I’m #247. I’ve been a follower for awhile, I think since another blog hop. Enjoy the rest of your weekend. πŸ™‚


  20. I really enjoyed that! Great job on creating interest and intrigue with such a small amount of words! Also, thank you for visiting my blog; glad to be on the campaign with you. πŸ™‚


  21. Sonia Lal says:

    Ohh nice. I like the story. But why is she running from the man? I thought something nasty was going to happen to the MC.


  22. Susanna says:

    Very interesting! I’d live to read more and find out what’s going on!


  23. Ok I’m super curious, especially after the “naughty thoughts” line. Great and intriguing Chris.


  24. I like this a lot. So interested to know more about these characters. You could definitely expand this into a longer piece.


  25. Sue says:

    Loved the story. I’m told that in flash reasons are not always necessary. I started this challenge also – I did my 200 words, then carried on and have 3 pages and more to go. My fingers just kept going πŸ˜€


  26. So great to see where everyone goes with this challenge. I love the naughty thoughts (… while you’re down there!). Interesting – reads like the middle of some great adventure.


  27. Kurt says:

    That’s great and tight.


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