Six Sentence Sunday: New opening to “The Lesson”


Welcome to Six Sentence Sunday again. This mini excerpt is from a new opening scene that I wrote for a contemporary fantasy, “The Lesson.”

I took a deep breath before walking into the stuffy little occult shop on James street north. I’d never been in a place like this before, and wouldn’t have come this time if I didn’t need to buy a roommate her birthday present. Kay’s big on tarot and crystals and all that ‘woo’ stuff, so I thought that I could get her a book on how to do her own horoscopes or something like that. As I went up to the desk, the old lady nodded. “Greetings, apprentice. What can I do for you today?”

“I’m looking for a horoscope book for a friend…” I started, and then couldn’t continue. “Sorry, what did you call me? Is that just a joke label that you use on all the new fish, or…”

What do you think, does that hook your interest? And don’t quibble with me about the number of sentences!

Advertisements

8 Responses to Six Sentence Sunday: New opening to “The Lesson”

  1. Catherine Johnson says:

    For a start I think you should put the word quibble in there lol. It’s great really paints a picture. For a weird shop though a think a raised eyebrow would be enough for being called apprentice, unless you have him almost turned away to leave before he hears it then he could look back and question it. Quibble lol.

    Like

  2. Monica Enderle Pierce says:

    An intriguing beginning. ‘Apprentice’ eh? Might want to take his/her business elsewhere. šŸ˜‰

    Like

  3. I think being called an “apprentice” is a great point of interest and will definitely have people wondering why and what as far as the next step. Worked on me!

    Like

  4. I liked that you used apprentice…really intrigues me. Looking forward to your next six šŸ™‚

    Like

  5. Good job! We get a feel for your character’s personality and mindset as well as a hook.

    Like

  6. Randi Alexander says:

    Intreresting six, Chris. Yes, I’m hooked. Is he truly an aprentice?

    Like

  7. Apprentice catches the interest.

    Like

  8. Thanks, guys! I think it’s interesting that a few of you assumed my narrator was male.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: