Good morning, everybody! Even though http://www.sixsunday.com/ is apparently on hiatus for the week, I’m going to share this excerpt anyway.
This is an opening that I’m pretty sure I’m going to change. It’s for ‘The Wyverns of Werness’ – the draft that I rewrote while I was at the Kansas workshop.
First, Michael Briely went to the cargo hatch of the small plane and loaded the plastic cage with the baby wyvern inside. “Hey, little guy, you’ll be okay,” he muttered as the little blue creature hissed at him and tried to nip at his fingers through the plastic bars. “I just want you to meet a few friends of mine back at Base Camp.”
He took a few moments to check the other animals he had trapped and make sure that nobody would be short on food or water for the trip. Then he closed the hatch, climbed up into the pilot’s seat, and turned on the communicator set.
“Falcon One to Base Camp, Falcon One to Base Camp – come in Base Camp.”
The Kelworth Files 
How did you like the workshop at Kansas?
Did you write about that earlier? I have been following since the early part of Rule of Three.
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I liked the workshop fine, and learned a lot. You can find more info on that here: https://kelworthfiles.wordpress.com/tag/lawrence/
No, this is the first time I’ve shared from this piece – I prefer to tease my readers with openings and see how they react to them than continue with more of the same piece from week to week. 😀
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I like this, sounds interesting. I would add a line or two at the start to let us know how the guy is feeling, whether he is a good fuy or bad guy. Thanks for sharing!
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sounds interesting. I’m used to reading on sunday so glad you posted
How do you plan on revising it? If it’s the beginning we don’t have to know if he good guy or not, you’ll show us later
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Well, among other things, I think I’m going to show how Michael caught the little blue wyvern, instead of starting after that point and having him describe the hunt to a friend of his back at Base Camp.
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showing is not my strength either. And describing the hunt is basically telling. How will you change the scene to show how he caught whatever that is – and what it is. Showing and not telling is the hardest part of writing. I haven’t been writing long. People think my stuff reads like journalism not fiction
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This is a good start. Raises all sorts questions that I’d read on to have answered.
………dhole
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I like the start of this… you’ve got me curious – what is the blue creature and why is he collecting them? It flowed well.
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He’s doing his job as part of a scientific expedition – hunting down animal specimens and taking them into the lab for study.
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You have me intrigued…
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Well written and intriguing. Last week I signed up for six sentence Sunday but forgot to post on time, so this week when they cancelled it in favour of posting the rules I felt like their apparent annoyance was directed solely at me.
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It wasn’t – don’t feel badly – even happened to me – and many others some who have been posting for a year. Next week try again – just have to follow the rules – the list has grown from about 50 to 180 some weeks 😀
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Yeah, I can understand them getting annoyed trying to manage something that big.
I’ve gotten into the habit of scheduling my post Saturday evening before I go to bed and adding it to the list only after it’s scheduled. That’s part of the reason I went ahead with SSS this week – I didn’t want to break the habit now that it’s settling into a groove. (And I made sure to check that it was clearly six sentences, and even tweaked the punctuation slightly to make sure of that.)
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I had mine set then edited it to change it for next week. One of the authors is leaving SSS becasue of the tweaking required by some to make it six. Well the point is six and none of us can do six good ones every week so tweaking is required. I guess there’s several ways of looking at the issue. At any rate I will be staying with it because as a new writer I find it extremely useful
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