I just set the scene so far – Dara is a somewhat bored space pilot on a shuttle run up to Astris station…
Ever since they’d discovered hyperspace travel, there was more and more shuttle travel from the surface up to Astris, the main way-station for travellers that would be going even further. But Dara had never even been to the moon…
Suddenly the cockpit shook, and several status panels on her screen went bright red. She pushed a few commands to find out more details about the problem, and ended up staring at an exterior view of the main fuel tank.
There was metallic debris floating away, wreckage from a large crater that had blasted out from inside the ship, and also milky translucent faceted rocks – her remaining fuel supply. Fracture was the most efficient propellant ever invented, but it was also unstable.
Again, thank you very much for any comments and feedback!
You are rocking this work! I’m hooked.
I love how you described your character in you set up, and you posted a 6 that caught my attention and makes me want to read more. My only comment would be that this half line-There was metallic debris floating away-feels off. Right there, instead of being connected to your writing, it feels like I’m hearing someone else telling the story. I hope that makes sense.
Oh boy! Sounds like she’s in trouble. Very cool.
Wow, way to get the reader hooked! Great details, and a great Six!
I think she’s about to get more experience than she really wants!
I’m a little confused by the idea of crater wreckage blasting out from inside the ship? Maybe the line makes sense in context.
I love the name “Fracture” for a fuel type. Nicely done.
p.s. I nominated you for the Kreativ Blogger Award. You can collect it (if you want)here.
The first sentence is a great hook and carried me straight through the rest of the paragraph. This would definitely keep me reading.