Good morning! It’s time for the next eight sentences from my Camp Nanowrimo project “The Aurigae Express.” To briefly set the scene, Alan and Diane are police partners who’ve volunteered to visit an alien planet where very few Earthlings have gone, to track down a fugitive and retrieve her ill-gotten millions. They’ve boarded an alien ship that takes Earthling passengers through hyperspace, and the ship’s just made its first Jump.
First Snippet Second Snippet Third Snippet
The next thing he realized was that he was curled up in a fetal ball. That seemed to be wrong somehow, and after a moment of painful thought he figured out why; the last thing he remembered was being strapped in. How could he have curled up into a ball while the straps held his limbs in place?
The answer to that was obvious. Somehow he must have been desperate enough to retreat from reality that he’d worked the strap releases himself. That was a little hard to reconcile with his memories of being so unfamiliar with his body, but maybe there were layers and layers to how the human nerve system reacted to hyperspace exposure.
His nerve system reacted to the thought of hyperspace with a series of violent spasming shudders, and Alan struggled to strap himself back into the crash couch again before he managed to go flying into a wall.
Aside from that looming memory of something traumatic looming at the edges of his awareness, the worst appeared to be done with.
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This way of traveling is really intense. Is it painful for the body too or is it all in his mind?
And I thought a plane ride to Alaska was rough. Nice 8.
I like the part about layers of nerve reactions. You’ve got “looming” twice in the last sentence. Don’t know if that’s deliberate or not.
Wild. I do NOT think I’d want to travel like that!
I’d hate to travel hat way- pain like that just doesn’t sound pleasant.
you have a couple word redundancies here- looming, and reacted.
Very intriguing #8Sentence – wonder if his reaction/position are just all in his mind – or if it is real? This tidbit might perhaps have even more impact on the reader if some of the longer sentences were broken into multiple ones and the repeated words/phrases eliminated.
Amazing tension. Great job!
That sounds like the worst way to travel EVER. I wonder how much of it is actually physically happening, and how much is a psychological effect.
That sounds awful, and yet there is something so hypnotic to seeing a strong male character admitting to this kind of weakness. You don’t pull your punches. Bravo!
I’m wondering if his looming traumatic memory has anything to do with how he is reacting? In his mind or not? Interesting snippet!
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