Weekend Writing Warriors – Gotta have that look Revision 1

Forgive me, friends and followers, for I have lapsed. It has been two weeks since my last post.

What can I say, Odyssey has been crazy. A fun kind of crazy, in places, but definitely crazy. I’ve decided to stop sharing from “The Aurigae Express” and start with the beginning of a story I had critiqued this past week; the new revision of “Gotta Have That Look.” I hope you enjoy it. It’s about teenagers and genetic injections. I’ve shared some from an early draft with Six Sentence Sunday, but this is mostly a new plot


At eight thirty on Monday morning, the teenagers of Hanford, California gathered in the courtyard square of Hanford High to see who had changed most over the weekend. Jimmy swept the crowd hoping to catch a glimpse of Diane, hoping she hadn’t changed a bit.

“Freckles!” Stephanie exclaimed. She wrapped her arms around Bryan and planted kisses on his cheeks. “How did you get them so quickly? You went in for your shots a day and a half ago. Do you feel sore?” She backed away a little and traced one finger over Bryan’s skin, staying away from the red spots.

Visit the other Weekend Writing Warriors at http://www.wewriwa.com/.

9 Responses to Weekend Writing Warriors – Gotta have that look Revision 1

  1. Marcia says:

    I don’t often get interested in stories with teens as the main characters, but you’ve got a twist here that makes the story different. Personalities are starting to come out and it’s only the beginning eight. Nice job here.


  2. Fascinating concept! Enjoyed today’s excerpt, why do I have a feeling freckles might be the most benign of the changes?


  3. I am wondering what the shots have been about… and why she stays away from the red spots…. definitely intriguing!


  4. Nice. Don’t feel bad about not updating! You’re having an adventure.


  5. He WANTS freckles?


  6. Beth Rhodes says:

    I like this. It’s interesting to see what little things people are or aren’t into seeing in other people. Normally when you hear about freckles at all, it’s that people don’t want them. (With the exception of Freckle Juice, maybe) I have a good look into Stephanie’s personality for it being a beginning snippet. Nicely done!


  7. Stephanie says:

    Nice snippet. The little details make me curious about the rest of the story.


  8. There is so much going on, I really want to know more about those shots and why they gave him freckles.


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