Writer’s retreat accountability update for week 1

Well, it looks like I wasn’t good at updating every day, but I’ve been working hard!

Tuesday: Finished scene: 550 words.

Wednesday: Started a scene outline for generation ship novel. 7 scenes, 267 words

Thursday: 5 more scenes for outline, plus a prompt question. 189 words

Friday: Outlined 8 scenes, 249 words
Revose for 2 scenes on Magic Milkshakes

Saturday: Finished revising third scene for Magic Milkshakes.
Questions for the end of the outline

Sunday: Finished draft for the outline. (Revisiong from earlier versions. 279 words, 11 scenes)
Started second new scene for Magic Milkshakes: 317 words

Will be starting on my week 2 progress today! 🙂

Lucky Seven – I got memed, again!

So, this isn’t exactly in the spirit of the Spotlight on Chris, but I’ve been tagged with the Lucky 7 meme, and I’m going to play. I’ve decided not to tag anyone else, though, just because I don’t feel up to figuring which of my friends have already played.

I’m taking the previous draft of “Won’t somebody think of the Children” as my work in progress, since I’ve been slaving away at it for months now in the Holly Lisle revise-your-novel course. Following the instructions, I have paged to page 77, and scrolled to line 7 for my starting point.

This lands me right in a bad section where Tom is talking at the reader, instead of showing anything, and I’ve decided to share seven paragraphs instead of just seven lines or seven sentences.

Let me know what you think, especially if you think it’s bad. (It improves a little bit towards the end, when Brenda shows up.)

One thing that occurs to me is the idea that the ship’s company might need to be more clearly regimented and hierarchical, just to make sure that the right thing happens at the right time, that more things can be happening at one time without compromising safety, and so on – a slightly more military mindset, as it were, though still not violent or warlike. I haven’t mentioned much about that to anybody but Jeremy, though – not sure how Melanie or the other girls would think about it.

What else can I tell you about? Melanie’s doing well with the baby, though she complains a bit about being dizzy sometime, and I was worried about that until Doctor Joe and Odin both told me that it’s perfectly normal. Julie’s doing well now too, she’s off bed rest – well, I guess you knew that she was, because she was at the meeting last week, but that was really just a ‘get out of the room for a few hours before going back to bed’ kind of thing. Now she’s completely back and only sleeping the usual amount in bed, as far as I know, and her baby boy is doing great. She and Melanie have definitely bonded as sisters, as you might have been able to guess from some of my descriptions, and I guess I even think of Paul as part of the extended family now. Other people have commented on how much time the two young women have been spending together, and how close friends they suddenly seem to be, but as far as I know Melanie only told one new person about the true relationship since giving Julie and Paul the whole story – and that’s Laurie, one of her old and close friends. I think that was because Laurie was feeling jealous about somebody new squeezing her out, so Melanie felt obliged to explain how it wasn’t really just about meeting a new girlfriend.

Six Sentence Sunday – Odin, again

Hi, everybody. I’m sticking with ‘Won’t somebody think of the Children’, and including another conversation with Odin, although this is a different scene. And yes, to repeat for anybody who hasn’t read a prior excerpt where I made this clear, Odin is the ship’s computer.

“Odin, what’s the current ETA on arrival at the Alpha Centauri system?” Robert asked in a clear voice that just about everybody in the cafeteria could hear.

“Based on the current flight plans, Santa Maria will cross the astropause of the Alpha Centauri primary and enter the star system proper in approximately seventy-two years and three months,” Odin told him. “Specific destinations within the Alpha Centauri system are still unclear with best possible telescopic observations, so our ultimate destination has not yet been selected.”

“That’s fine, Odin,” Robert told the computer graciously. “Let’s go with seventy-two years and three months as the time remaining in our journey before the mission of exploration proper starts, for the time being. Given…”

“So noted.”

Six Sentence Sunday – Odin vs Melanie, continued.

Thanks for all the great feedback last time, guys, and I hope that you had a great Christmas, and a Happy New Year’s Eve.

I’m going to skip a bit further into the scene, for some more Odin/Melanie fireworks. Personally, I like Odin, and he becomes a much more sympathetic ‘personality’ later on in the novel. But he’s by-the-book, and that’s not always a good thing when it comes to women and getting pregnant…

“‘At the end of the hiatus period, adjusting as necessary considering the projected course and the rates of death, such measures shall be taken as necessary to ensure the birth of the new generation and that it shall be optimal for the genetic health of the community, according to mission requirements.'”

“You can quote that straight out of the rulebook, huh?” Melanie nearly spat back at Odin. “You’re handing us the letter of the regulation to cover your digital butt, and of course we could never get you on a violation of those. All that you’re good at is following rules. But – but these are human lives that you’re toying with, Odin – dammit, you should have told us!”

I nearly rolled my eyes – it’s like Melanie to lose her temper at Odin, but of course it doesn’t really accomplish anything.

Six Sentence Sunday – more from ‘Children’

Good morning, everybody, and happy Six Sentence Sunday. I’m going to continue from last week’s excerpt, and just to make one point of background clear – Odin is the ship’s computer, not a human being.

“Yes, I did,” Melanie told Odin. “Including the part where you told us about the contraceptives that are in use on Santa Maria, fed into the food and water, which are absolutely one hundred percent effective?”

“That is indeed successful at suppressing conception within a margin of one in ten million when administered at the proper dose,” Odin shot back. “But it would be foolish of you to assume that the ship-wide mass dosing would continue indefinitely without a halt. There must be a resumption of births to maintain a stable population level on board ship.”

 “Well, that makes sense,” I said, squeezing Mel’s hand as reassuringly as I could.

Six Sentence Sunday: A Keeper point from ‘Children’

Hello everybody, and welcome back to Six Sentence Sunday. Since my read-through this past week went well, I thought I’d share one of my favorite ‘keeper points’ from the first draft of “Won’t somebody think of the Children?”

“Melanie, you’re pregnant.”

“I’m what?” I felt my grip go a little faint and willed myself to hang onto her hand – it would not have gone well for either of us if I’d suddenly dropped her at that moment. “Odin, explain this!” Melanie yelled.

“No explanations should be required, Melanie,” Odin’s calm, nearly flat voice told her smoothly. “You received excellent grades in the relevant health and sexual education courses.”