Six Sentence Sunday: The Gnomes are Missing, 10

It’s the last Six Sentence Sunday ever from sixsunday.com . I’d like to thank everybody who’s ever given me feedback, and the admins at sixsunday.com for helping me meet so many fellow writers and bloggers.

Last time, Kinwer accidentally mentioned Gibbs, his missing gnome friend, in front of his sister’s fiancee.

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“I told you that you shouldn’t be spending time with those folk, Kinwer,” Father said. “You’ve got enough to keep you busy…”

“I don’t have any other friends!” Kinwer exclaimed. “Not since you pulled me out of school. As long as I get the work done, what’s it to you if I talk to a gnome? He’s the only one who understands me at all – and he didn’t come out of the mound this morning and I’m worried that something horrible happened to him.”

Thank you for your feedback, and I hope to see you all around the blogosphere sometime!

 

Six Sentence Sunday: The Gnomes are Missing, 9

Happy Six Sentence Sunday, everybody! Next week will be the last SSS under the current dynasty. I’ve been posting sixes on Sunday for more than a year now, and it’ll be like the ending of an era.

Last time, Kinwer accidentally mentioned Gibbs, his missing gnome friend, in front of his family and his sister’s fiancee. Just to warn you, I’ve been revising this part recently, so I might have repeated or tweaked something.

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Father turned and glared at Kinwer, and mother muttered something to him under her breath. Father didn’t like Kinwer talking to the gnomes about anybody, even family – and Zaffaran was ‘almost family.’ Zaffaran seemed to be a little upset too, but he forced a wide and friendly smile on his face. “Yes, what’s wrong with your gnome friend?”

“Umm, it doesn’t matter.”

“Are you sure?” Zaffaran said, and looked around at the rest of the family.

Thank you so much for reading. Even though it’s months yet to Easter, I’ll be handing out chocolate eggs to anybody who leaves feedback this week. 🙂

Six Sentence Sunday: The Gnomes are Missing, 8

Happy Sunday, everybody! I guess this is the third-to-last official Six Sentence Sunday, though I’ve already raised my hand for the Skye Warren unofficial version.

Kinwer is getting very concerned about his gnome friend, but has been stuck working all day in the fields…

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Kinwer was feeling very tired when he got back into the house, and saw that the rest of the family was gathered around the hearth, drinking something from a tall bottle. Mother was sitting next to father, and Hope had her hand demurely in Zaffaran’s. Kinwer liked Zaffaran a little, but he still had a hard time imagining his big sister getting married and moving to Zaffaran’s little candle shop in the village.

“Good evening, Kinwer!” Zaffaran said, waving to him with his free hand. “How was your day?”

“I’m doing alright, but I’m a little worried about Gibbs,” Kinwer said before he thought about it.

Thank you for leaving any feedback, and if you don’t want SSS to end in January, raise your hand at Skye Warren’s page too!

Six Sentence Sunday: The Gnomes are Missing, 7

Happy 2013, everybody! Six Sentence Sunday continues on, though the end is drawing near.

At this point, Kinwer is worried about his gnome friend, but not sure what he can do to help…

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He went straight out to the fields to begin pruning, and Father came out to look for him after he’d finished one row. “Boy! Come in for a bite before you keel over.”

The slice of bread and bowl of vegetable soup did help him feel a bit stronger, and his mind was buzzing with possibilities as he went back out to the field, thinking about the gnomes. He’d probably woken up too late to meet with Gibbs. Gibbs had a father, too, who was always nagging him about something or other. 

Maybe Kinwer could get out to the mound before dinner, if he got the pruning done quickly.

Thanks for all your comments and feedback!

Six Sentence Sunday: The Gnomes are Missing, 6

Happy Holidays and Merry Six Sentence Sunday to you all. It looks like I’ll get up to ten snippets for “The Gnomes are missing” before the SSS list goes down at the end of January 2013.

I’m going to skip ahead out of the flashback at this point:

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The school bell started to ring, and for a second Kinwer was startled, because that wasn’t the way the memory went. And then he shook himself, and went back to the present. He had to get to the schoolhouse NOW. He wouldn’t be able to meet Gibbs this morning. So he ran the long way around the family farm. He’d be late to school, but he could tell the schoolmarm that he was doing chores, and Father wouldn’t know that he’d been out to the gnome mound.

Happy Boxing Week, and here’s wishing you all a happy New Year!

Little snippets that I love.

I’ve been thinking about great snippets today – those short little passages that just fill me with delight as a reader. So I thought I’d share some of them, and ask you for your favorites if you can think of any.

First, there’s a snippet that I came across today, listening to “Betrayer of Worlds” on my digital audiobook player as I walked part of the way home from work. In this section, Louis Wu is undercover on the human-colonized planet New Terra, trying to get recruited by an alien-led crime gang:

Louis stopped as four burly men in greasy coveralls came up to him. “Somethin’ I can do for you gentlemen?”

“Yeah,” one said. “Take it outside. Minister Ausfaller’s saved this world more than once.”

Louis turned back toward the bar, only to be grabbed by the collar and dragged off his stool. He was shoved, none too gently, into the trash cans in the alley behind the saloon. Seconds later, this being an absurdly civil world, his pocket-comp, [containing his meager credit balance,] sailed out the door after him.

I think a lot of my favorite writing paints ‘word pictures’, and this is definitely part of the appeal here – the image of Louis getting the bum’s rush on a kinder, gentler world. They still throw you out of the bar for making a nuisance of yourself, but they make a point of tossing your (difficult to hack) digital wallet out after you.

The second snippet I’d like to share is actually one of my own – I’ve been rereading my first draft of Roswell Calling, and couldn’t stop from giggling when I got to this passage, as some of the teenage characters are gathering at an Italian restaurant. A little guide to the character relationships will help set the scene – Tess and Liz are both interested in Max, Liz and Kyle used to date, and Kyle has a new girlfriend now, Sarah, (though she isn’t mentioned in this snippet, but is sitting on the other side of Kyle in the booth.)

Tess looked around and realized that Liz was already crossing the room towards her. Somewhat impulsively she stepped back and waved Liz into the booth. Liz got close enough to see what the seating arrangement was and made a ‘no, after you’ wave in response. That’s as far as it goes, Tess decided silently, and took Liz at her gesture, sliding in enough to let Liz get in next to her if she chose to. Liz hesitated a moment and took the seat next to Kyle instead – which had all sorts of possible signals it could be sending, from ‘Hey, Kyle, remember how much you used to like me’ to ‘Hey, Max, can I make you jealous of Kyle’ or even just ‘Hey, Max, from here I can see your face.’

Here, the description is a little less visual, but I do like the little dance about who should sit next to Max, Tess deciding to take it after yielding once and having Liz yield back to her, and the evaluation of two somewhat devious and manipulative reasons for Liz to be sitting next to Kyle, before coming to a very simple and obvious one.

Finally, since good things should come in threes, here’s a snippet I like from “Ptolemy’s Gate”, in the Bartimaeus trilogy by Jonathan Stroud. Bartimaeus the djinni is narrating with his usual flair, and by this point he has agreed to share Nathaniel’s body and do battle together against powerful rogue spirits. Half of the snippet is actually in the form of a ‘footnote’, which I find in this series are not to be skipped over lightly, and in fact contain some of the best punchlines.

We communicated with pithy, rather monosyllabic thoughts; viz Run, Jump, Where? Left, Up, Duck, etc. ³

³ The latter was an observation I made on the edge of the lake. Nathaniel unfortunately took it as a command, which resulted in our temporary immersion.

Again, it’s a funny picture, in fact a funny little episode that I can easily reconstruct in full narrative, including the mental argument that Nathaniel and Bartimaeus would have had afterward about who would find it necessary to point out a completely irrelevant duck, and of course they should limit their mental communication to important commands. And there’s something about the dry and breezy way that Bartimaeus tells us the headlines that just makes it even funnier to me.

So, any favorite snippets that you’d like to share?