Lucky Seven – I got memed, again!

March 22, 2012

So, this isn’t exactly in the spirit of the Spotlight on Chris, but I’ve been tagged with the Lucky 7 meme, and I’m going to play. I’ve decided not to tag anyone else, though, just because I don’t feel up to figuring which of my friends have already played.

I’m taking the previous draft of “Won’t somebody think of the Children” as my work in progress, since I’ve been slaving away at it for months now in the Holly Lisle revise-your-novel course. Following the instructions, I have paged to page 77, and scrolled to line 7 for my starting point.

This lands me right in a bad section where Tom is talking at the reader, instead of showing anything, and I’ve decided to share seven paragraphs instead of just seven lines or seven sentences.

Let me know what you think, especially if you think it’s bad. (It improves a little bit towards the end, when Brenda shows up.)

One thing that occurs to me is the idea that the ship’s company might need to be more clearly regimented and hierarchical, just to make sure that the right thing happens at the right time, that more things can be happening at one time without compromising safety, and so on – a slightly more military mindset, as it were, though still not violent or warlike. I haven’t mentioned much about that to anybody but Jeremy, though – not sure how Melanie or the other girls would think about it.

What else can I tell you about? Melanie’s doing well with the baby, though she complains a bit about being dizzy sometime, and I was worried about that until Doctor Joe and Odin both told me that it’s perfectly normal. Julie’s doing well now too, she’s off bed rest – well, I guess you knew that she was, because she was at the meeting last week, but that was really just a ‘get out of the room for a few hours before going back to bed’ kind of thing. Now she’s completely back and only sleeping the usual amount in bed, as far as I know, and her baby boy is doing great. She and Melanie have definitely bonded as sisters, as you might have been able to guess from some of my descriptions, and I guess I even think of Paul as part of the extended family now. Other people have commented on how much time the two young women have been spending together, and how close friends they suddenly seem to be, but as far as I know Melanie only told one new person about the true relationship since giving Julie and Paul the whole story – and that’s Laurie, one of her old and close friends. I think that was because Laurie was feeling jealous about somebody new squeezing her out, so Melanie felt obliged to explain how it wasn’t really just about meeting a new girlfriend.

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Six Sentence Sunday – more from ‘Children’

December 18, 2011

Good morning, everybody, and happy Six Sentence Sunday. I’m going to continue from last week’s excerpt, and just to make one point of background clear – Odin is the ship’s computer, not a human being.

“Yes, I did,” Melanie told Odin. “Including the part where you told us about the contraceptives that are in use on Santa Maria, fed into the food and water, which are absolutely one hundred percent effective?”

“That is indeed successful at suppressing conception within a margin of one in ten million when administered at the proper dose,” Odin shot back. “But it would be foolish of you to assume that the ship-wide mass dosing would continue indefinitely without a halt. There must be a resumption of births to maintain a stable population level on board ship.”

 “Well, that makes sense,” I said, squeezing Mel’s hand as reassuringly as I could.

Six Sentence Sunday: A Keeper point from ‘Children’

December 11, 2011

Hello everybody, and welcome back to Six Sentence Sunday. Since my read-through this past week went well, I thought I’d share one of my favorite ‘keeper points’ from the first draft of “Won’t somebody think of the Children?”

“Melanie, you’re pregnant.”

“I’m what?” I felt my grip go a little faint and willed myself to hang onto her hand – it would not have gone well for either of us if I’d suddenly dropped her at that moment. “Odin, explain this!” Melanie yelled.

“No explanations should be required, Melanie,” Odin’s calm, nearly flat voice told her smoothly. “You received excellent grades in the relevant health and sexual education courses.”

Rule of Three: Just where is Renaissance?

October 5, 2011

Hi, everybody. It’s time for part one of my Rule of Three story. I’m really excited about this extended blogfest, especially because I have just no idea how it’s going to turn out.

A few notes before I start. I didn’t realize until after I finished that I could choose just a few of the prompts for part one, so I managed to squeeze them all into less than 500 words, with rather silly results. I also felt it was important for my characters to place Renaissance into the geography of their world, which closely matches ours – though I fudged the details a little, as you’ll see.

This first part is from the POV of Princess Naveli Brussard.

“Why did you bring me to this stupid place?” I complained, looking around the simple wood and brick buildings at the heart of Renaissance.

“That’s not fair, Naveli,” my big sister Sami shot back. “You were the one who said that you wanted to be able to go on a Royal mission sometime.”

“Yeah, well, going on a mission is one thing – being pulled out of my bed at four in the morning and bundled onto an aeroplane is…”

“…Is what Royal missions are like more often than not, in my experience, Your Highness,” Tom Danter, Sami’s suitor, put in. “Except that it’s often a motor car or a train instead of a plane.”

“Well, then at least I’d have some clue what continent I’m in,” I muttered, shooting Tom a dirty look for trying to play peacemaker and stop the argument.

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