Weekend Writing Warriors – Gotta have that look (revised) 4

Welcome friends, followers, and Weekend Writing Warriors!

Continuing to share the new revision of “Gotta Have That Look,” about teenagers and genetic injections. I’ve shared some from an early draft with Six Sentence Sunday, but this is mostly a new plot. There isn’t much about the novum of teenagers changing their looks in this snip; Jimmy has gone over to talk to his dream girl, Diane.


Snippet 1 Snippet 2 Snippet 3

Diane lifted one eyebrow. “Morning, Jimmy. What’s up?”

“I was wondering if you wanted to go with a movie to me–tonight.”

“Thanks so much for asking, but no, I don’t think so.”

“Okay . . . Something else maybe, later this week?”

“No, thanks–do you mind?” She waved the pencil at her sketch pad. “I’m trying to get this finished before first period.”

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8 Responses to Weekend Writing Warriors – Gotta have that look (revised) 4

  1. Ouch, poor boy. Nice 8.


  2. burnsmillie says:

    Ouch! I can feel his nervousness.


  3. I can tell by the second line the boy is super nervous the way he stumbles all over his words. Clever way of showing that. 🙂

    History Sleuth’s Milk Carton Murders


  4. At least she was polite. I hope he tries again…excellent excerpt.


  5. Sounds like he needs to be interested in what she’s doing.


  6. Jess Schira says:

    Great job with his nerves. Also, I love the title!


  7. caitlinstern says:

    Shot down! The question is–is she just being polite because she’s nice, or does he stand a chance if he smartens up. He should know better that to ask for a last minute date–or a vague ‘something.’


  8. Stephanie says:

    Ouch, what a brush off.


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